Tuesday, March 6, 2012

On the subject of having children

I've been having a major dilemma over the past couple of months.  We have 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl.  Both at great ages, one even potty trained.  It's getting to that time where people keep asking me when the next one is coming.  I always laugh and shrug in response, but deep down I'm wondering that myself.  I know I'm getting older, and I sort of already set a cap on the age in which I want to have children.  That age is about 2 years away so I'm feeling like I need to do the whole baby thing again.  But if I'm being  honest....babies are hard.  At least for me.  I love my children.  So much.  And I am so grateful now that child #2 came way earlier than I had planned or wanted because he is seriously my favorite an awesome kid.
The problem is: I love our life.  Everyone feeds themselves.  Everyone sleeps all night (and I mean I put them in bed, and don't get disturbed until 8:30/9 the next morning-heaven).  There is a one child to one parent ratio.  As my husband says "We have one of each, we are done!"  And right now it takes us a good while to get out the door.  I can only imagine if I added a 3rd to the mix.
And I also feel I know what people are going to say.  It gets easier, the older one can help, etc., etc.  But does it?  Get easier?  It's taken me a good 2-3 years to even get a handle on this whole motherhood thing.  And truth is I still struggle every day.  Going from 0 to 1 child was ten times harder than going from 1 to 2 kids, but I'm thinking 2 to 3 is a big jump.
I feel a bit horrible even writing about this but it has seriously weighed on my mind as of late.  I realize I am lucky because I can just decide when to have kids (although who says it would happen easy for me a 3rd time?), and I should be grateful to even be having this discussion. But still.

I mean it should be a hard decision right?


  1. This is totally reasonable. I'm already thinking about this because, let's face it, I got a late start. And I'm like you, I don't want to be too old when I have that last kid. But I've just barely found out how hard this whole pregnancy/baby thing is, and it seems like such a daunting task to go through it all again. I don't know what to tell you, but I'm confident that whatever decision you make will be the right one.

  2. I had this same argument with myself after #2. And right now we're in such a good place. Grace is almost 5, Noah is 3. But I KNEW that there was a girl waiting for us, so when I decided I was ready to have one more, we did. And now, we're expecting a girl in June! Yay! But it was a HARD decision. My only advice is to wait until you're ready. If you go into this half-heartedly, you're cheating that third kid. And of course, be sure to pray. :) Hope this is helpful. And when can we get together??

  3. It's always hard to get pregnant with your next because life becomes so great and comfortable with where your kids are at! It's been hard every time for me accepting it was time for the next one. Someone once gave me advice to get pregnant before you're "ready" with your 2nd, 3rd, etc. because the process of getting pregnant and having the baby takes 10+months and that's a long time and just means more space between siblings if you wait too long. I have taken that advice and been so happy I have. It sounds weird I know.

    The 3rd baby was the easiest in regards to enduring the annoying stuff about having a baby (like nighttime feedings, breastfeeding, and stuff like that) because I knew how fast it all went and so was way more relaxed. I enjoyed my 3rd baby the most also because the other 2 at that point were in the fighting stage. So I loved my little angel who didn't fight with anyone (and this is a common point with a lot of my friends). It was actually harder with him at the 1-yr point than anything else because he turned into this rambunctious little daredevil boy and I wasn't used to that.
    It will be so great, Amb I promise! After having 2 you know the motherhood gig really well, you'll be great. And if it is super hard, it gets better so fast- in a flash! Of course the best advice of anything is to pray about it. I was so convinced that my timeline with getting pregnant with #4 was an awesome plan, and I prayed about it and was surprised to find it wasn't awesome. So I listened and have had some really special/spiritual experiences with this pregnancy that I haven't with any others. Whatever you decide, you're a great mom!

  4. I get it. And that's also why I am done. I like our life, and I frankly don't think I will have the patience for 3! Kids are hard, and being a sweet loving always patient momma is hard for me. So I decided to just devote myself fully to the ones I have, because I don't know what kind of mom I would be if I was spread any thinner! Hope that doesn't sound bad!

  5. Do you want another baby? If you re-read your post, it seems like you have a few reasons for not wanting another one, but you don't give any reasons for wanting another baby.

    If three kids isn't right for you and your family, don't let anyone pressure you into it. Every family is different. For some families, three is the perfect number and for others, one or two or five kids is the right amount. No one knows but you (and your husband.)